The Big Awesome Watermelon Explains FanFiction to the Teen Titans
by The Big Awesome Watermelon
Summary: The Titans have gotten invitations to lessons on something called 'FanFiction.' They meet this girl who is willing to let them in on the secrets of the enigmatic, baffling topic; her name is BAW. Rated T for T-rated junk.
1. Chapter 1

The Titans West walked out of an elevator in a building.

"Hello, Titans. I see you've gotten your invitations," an old guy with a butler's accent said. He pressed a button on the wall. "Jacqueline, the Titans have arrived."

"I guess we should let 'em into the waiting room, Breccan." They were taken into a waiting room. Bumblebee, Speedy, Aqualad, Kid Flash, Jinx, Jericho, Kole, Hot Spot, and Argent were all sitting around on couches and chairs, reading magazines and discussing lack of crime since the annihilation of the BoE.

"What are you guys doing here?" Beast Boy asked.

"Same thing you are," Argent said.

"Hey, Sparky." Bumblebee's pigtails/hairbuns (Wiki says they're pigtails, curse you animators for not making it easier to tell) perked up.

"Why do you call me that?" Cyborg asked, annoyed by his pet name.

"Oh, Cy, we all know the answer to that question," the teenage desk clerk, her nametag read 'Jackie,' said. Then her phone rang.

"Yes? Uh-huh. Okay then. Bye." She looked up at the Titans. "You guys can head into _Her Almighty's_ office now," she said, the italics in a sarcastic tone. They looked at a door.

"It's unlocked," she told them. They went in. The room was rather large.

The Titans looked around; there was a wall of drawings and Titans' names in block letters, a _huge_ desk covered in more drawings, a bowl of darts, and a coffee mug reading '#1 TT Fangirl,' a filing cabinet with the top drawer open, filled with folders of (presumably) more drawings. The walls and gritty ceiling were a baby blue color, and the 5-inch-thick shag carpet was zigzagged with lime and deep forest green. There was a 56-inch (142.26 centimeters) television with a gigantic yellow bean bag chair with a white T inside of black circle outlined with white. There were Teen Titans plushies lined up on a shelf on that wall, and, also on the shelf, a T-tower snowglobe that read 'TEEN TITANS' in yellow letters at the bottom. There was also a picture of Terra on the wall that had darts sticking out of it. Over, near the Titans Communicator Beanbag, there was a punching bag dressed up to look like Slade, who BAW was pretending to beat up.

"We came to… see you?" Robin asked, as soon as he got over the sight. The girl was a teenager, just over five foot (1.25 meters), had strawberry blond hair, green eyes that wanted to be hazel but they weren't quite, pale skin, and freckles, and wore casual jeans and a dark gray t-shirt with the Titans West, in red, on it, standing in front of the buildings in Jump City. **(A/N I actually own that t-shirt!)**

The girl looked at Robin, then at the other Titans, and then proceeded to scream the scream all of the Titans now recognize as the 'fangirl' scream.

"Wow! Y'all are gonna give me an asthma attack, and I don't even have asthma!" she laughed happily. "I can't believe you actually came!" she said.

She randomly ran and hugged Kid Flash.

She let go when he pulled away, and she giggled when Jinx glared at her.

"Sorry, he's just so huggable!"

The author then got herself together.

"Okay, y'all can call me Big Awesome Watermelon, or BAW **(pronounced, baw, bah, Bä),** if you will."

"You came here, because I offered to inform you of the enigmatic, baffling Fanfiction. We will come here once a week, to discuss many different topics, such as: Fanfiction itself, OCs, the state-of-being called 'OOC,' and why not to get the two confused, pairings and shippings, crack pairings, the debated word, 'canon,' confusing misspellings, songfics, misconceptions found commonly, and other wide concepts of Fanfiction."

"So, we have to come back here?" Beast Boy asked.

"Yes. Tell all of the Titans about these lessons, tell them if they're interested, to show, and all that."

"We will also take suggestions on what to talk about, so if the readers are interested, they should review. It would be nice."

"What does that mean? 'The readers?'" Bumblebee asked.

"All will be explained later in the story. And-" BAW was interrupted.

_"Story?!" _the Titans repeated.

"Ahem. If the readers have a suggestion on which Titans should take Fanfiction lessons, they should please not hesitate to review or PM me. If they have any random things they would like me to tell you guys, they should tell me those, too. They should not hesitate to give advice, either."

"Why are you telling us things 'the readers' should do?" Hot Spot asked.

"No more interruptions, please." The Titans closed their mouths. "Well, that's pretty much it. If y'all have any questions, now is the time to ask."

"You said 'story' and 'the readers;' what exactly do you mean by that?" Bumblebee asked.

"Well, I don't know what you're thinking, but I don't mean that this is actually a Fanfiction in which a self-insert is explaining Fanfiction to the Titans," Big Awesome Watermelon said rather quickly before wiping away a wannabe-anime sweat drop from her brow. "Because, if it was, which it's not,-" she repeated herself "-I would be breaking the fourth wall."

The Titans nodded very slowly. Then Robin remembered something.

"You mailed us our 'invitations,'" he said, "How exactly did you happen to get the information you claimed to have?"

"I have an archive on you guys, other Titans, heroes who aren't Titans, even villains and people related to you guys," she answered. She pressed a button on a remote she fished out of her pocket. A shelf came out of the floor behind her desk.

"All of these records are for my reference only, and the only reason I have these is because they're common, well, not common, but _public_ knowledge in my dimension." They took a look at the shelf. There were many different-colored folders, some noticeably thicker than others.

"I have files on all of the Titans, on Doctor Light, on Batman, on Arella and Adeline." Raven and Jericho looked at her. Beast Boy reached for a file; she smacked his hand.

"Ah, ah, ah. No touching."

"Could you find my folder?" he asked. She scanned her eyes over the right side of the top shelf, and grabbed a green folder that, as it turned out, had Beast Boy's picture on it.

"You're under _L_, BB," she said. He looked through it, with a solemn look on his face.

"Wow."

"Are you done?" she asked. He closed the folder and handed it back to her. She put it back on the shelf.

"Very well then. Come back next week. We'll have our introductory lesson. Bye-bye."

"That's it?" Raven asked.

"Pretty much."

"Bye," the Titans said. They stepped out.

"I guess that's it," Speedy said.

"_Are we coming back?"_ Jericho signed.

"I guess we should; I mean, the girl's going t' let us know what's going on in the minds of our fans," Argent said.

"Should we not be afraid of what this fiction of the fans has in store for us?" Starfire asked.

"That's a good-" Aqualad was interrupted by the Big Awesome Watermelon slamming open the door to her 'office.'

"**OH, HEY, I ALMOST FORGOT I DON'T OWN YOU GUYS!"** she shouted at the top of her lungs, even though the Titans were only a few feet away.

The Titans left, wondering what in the world she was talking about.

**What should my first Fanfiction lesson be on?**


	2. I Need Help! (in more ways than one)

**A/N My apologies; this really isn't a lesson. Sorry.**

"My mistress?" Breccan, the butler, **(remember him from the last chapter?)** asked, stepping into Big Awesome Watermelon's 'office.'

BAW turned around. She'd been throwing darts at her poster of Terra.

"The Titans are here?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes, should I let them in?"

She saw the Titans waiting behind him, and sighed. "I reckon, Breccan," she said.

She pressed a button on her remote and a couple of couches came in from the floor.

"I'll be right back. Sit," BAW told them. She ran into a closet and rolled out a whiteboard on wheels. She grabbed a dry erase marker and wrote, _What is Fanfiction?_, looked at them and said, "What do y'all think Fanfiction is?"

"Is it not the 'Fiction written by fans?'" Starfire asked.

"Very, good, Star!" she said as she wrote _def:_ _fiction written by fans _on the board. "Now, that is very good word analyzation, because that is the simplest definition of 'Fanfiction.'"

She erased the board and wrote: _Titans Fanfiction. _She underlined _Titans_, and then put a tilde on either side of the phrase for _emphasis._

"Does anyone here know what fangirls talk about? No?"

"Well, we can't sum it all up in one lesson, so we're going to talk about one topic week after next, but I'd really appreciate it if the readers would vote on what to talk about first. I also say here that **I don't own Teen Titans**. I simply can't afford it, though as much as I'd like to."

"I wish you'd make more sense, BAW," Kid Flash told her.

"I do, too. It sucks, not being able to afford things," she said, seriously.

The Titans looked at her funny. "Oh," she laughed, "did you mean the other kind of sense (cents)? Because I would be a laughingstock if I said I wouldn't mind gaining fifty pounds, now, wouldn't I?" Everyone just stared. "No? Okay."

"See, BB, I may make stupid jokes, but at least when I do, I quit when I'm ahead."

"That's it, besides the obvious genres. Can't think of anything else myself. Soooooo sooorrrrrrrrrrryyy!"

"So if the readers could think of anything else, I'd appreciate it."

"STOP TALKING TO THE READERS!" the Titans shouted, excluding Jericho.

"Very well then. If y'all have any questions, feel free to ask."

"Uhm, do you write 'Fanfiction?'" Argent and Kole managed to ask at the same time. They'd both had weirder moments in their lives, so they just shook it off.

"Sometimes I write. Sometimes I draw. I mostly just think about y'all though. It helps me give meaning to my…" she sighed, "mundane existence."

"You're emo?" Beast Boy asked.

"No. But when I do feel emo-ish, Teen Titans is my refuge."

"**My two options for lesson after next would be pairings or OOCness, but I also wanna save ships for close-to-last. And the OOCness chapter would be an attempt at comedy, yeah. Maybe I'll do disclaimers. I don't know." **Then she said something completely unrelated.

"Hey Titans, would you mind answering questions every chapter about how you feel about certain things?"

The Titans looked at each other, exchanging silent words. Then they looked to BAW.

"I guess we _could,"_ Bumblebee said. The others, at least, _looked_ like they agreed.

"Kay-Kay, and since y'all would do me that favor, I'll answer your questions, if ya have 'em."

"No questions? Bye, then!"

BAW looked at the readers as the Titans ran out of her office's door.

"**My two options for lesson after next would be pairings or OOCness, but I also wanna save ships for close-to-last. And the OOCness chapter would be an attempt at comedy, yeah. Maybe I'll do disclaimers. I don't know." **

"**And JSYK, readers, I'll make sure the Titans answer your Q's with A's that are not just the author's opinion, but as actual-factual as 'physosophologically' possible, based the show and DC comics."**

"**I may also incorporate sections of different Fanfictions into our lessons, whether they're romances or humors or dramas or even just pure crack-"**

"**-feel free to PM me the Fanfiction that you want me to 'quote.'"**

** "I won't use ones with too much romance for chapters other than my chapter on ships and pairings."**

** "I also really need help, because next chapter is our vocabulary words all authors need to know, and I'd like for every necessary Fanfiction term to be on there. The ones I've already come up with are as follows;**

**1. Pairing/ship**

**2. OC**

**3. OOC**

**4. Crackfic**

**5. Disclaimer**

**6. A/N (Author's note)**

**7. Slash/FemSlash**

**8. Mary Sues/Gary Stus**

**9. Angst**

**10. Canon**

**11. Songfic**

**12. Lemons (I'll won't be specific on this chapter, I want it to be as appropriate as physosophologically possible."**

"**I need y'all to tell me what lessons y'all want first."**

"**BTW, physosophologically is my word; it means 'physically, philosophically, and logically.' I needed a word that meant that. Feel free to use it!"**

BAW then turned around and started throwing darts at her Terra poster again.

"And that's for breaking BB's heart!" she yelled as one dart hit Terra right in the throat. She threw another at her. "And that's for betraying the Titans!"


End file.
